Handling the Pressure

I’m sorry I haven’t got anything too yoga related to share with ya’ll today. I try to not get too personal here on this blog because I realize that most people come here to find information about yoga, and not to read stories about my mini life sagas. But, sometimes I think it’s good to throw in a little bit about my life so that the blog maintains a human element. I mean, who really knows who or what posts most of the stuff we read on the Internet. It can become a bit impersonal; that’s why I enjoy reading so many of the great yoga blogs out there written by people who are devoted to their yoga practice and don’t mind sharing it with people, mixed in with stories about their lives.

Although I’d recently set the intention to post more frequently on “Daily” Cup of Yoga, posting has been on hold for a few days due to the fact that the bar exam is currently consuming my life. Two days of testing are done now with only one day left to go. Holy freaking cow I’ll be light as a feather tomorrow around 4:30. Actually, I’m feeling quite a bit better now that all the essay questions are done, but I still get to look forward to six hours of glorious testing again tomorrow. I’ve never felt so much stress and pressure in my entire life. Sure, I’ve had stress before, but nothing like this. I seriously walked around most of Sunday and half of Monday with the most ridiculous expression of worry on my face that I’ve ever seen. There was nothing I could do about it. The worry and stress were all-consuming. The pressure cooker was turned all the way up and I was slowly roasting. There’s just no getting around the fact that the bar exam totally sucks, although I’m not sure if the actual bar exam is worse or just worrying about the bar exam. I think the only thing that has helped me through so far is remembering that I know how to breathe. (Oh, and yeah there was A LOT of praying too, just like a good little Mormon boy should do. How’s that for personal?) I’m so glad I read Asia’s post on Pranablog the other day on how to breathe better.

It’s not that I’ve never learned how to deal with feelings of stress or pressure in my life, but it’s really hard to shake that constant feeling that my life will be an utter mess and shambles if I manage to not pass the bar. Right now, I think I’ll survive and pass, but it hasn’t been easy.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that the last few months, weeks, and days have been fairly painful mentally and emotionally. I know that everyone has different challenges that they face in their lives, and some might argue that the opportunity to have a good education that should lead to a decent career is nothing to complain about. That’s true. But it’s hard when I’m in the middle of grinding through days and days of studying to not ask myself why the heck I ever thought it would be a good idea to be a lawyer. Right now, I have no idea what I was thinking.

The good news is that the test will be over tomorrow and after that I might actually resume the life of a normal human being. I’m excited to see my family and do some serious chilling out for a awhile. I’ve also got some big camping and backpacking plans in the Tetons and Sun Valley areas for the months of August and September. I’ll head to Portland for a week for the Hood to Coast race and then it should be off on a cruise to somewhere for a week sometime later in the fall. Won’t that be pleasant. It’s nice to have some fun things to look forward to.

Well, thanks for putting up with my ramblings for a while. I better get back to studying for one more night.